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Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Goodbye, Old Apartment
11:27 PM
Finally, as of today, I no longer reside at 2306 Flora, where I've lived for the last ~6 years. That house is split into two apartments, and though I initially moved into the first floor, I moved up to the second floor not long after McDeviltoast returned from China to become my roommate. It took me a good week of packing, and a weekend of moving (with movers) and cleaning, but I am finally sans keys, so it's official.

Since it was such a big undertaking, I thought I'd take a moment here and send my apartment a Goodbye Letter.

Goodbye, old apartment. I won't miss you much.

Goodbye, front door with the shitty lock. Remember when some douche put handcuffs on you?



some asshole put this on my outside door


That sucked. Had to get the landlord to get those off. You were better before someone smashed your window in. After that if someone knocked or rang the bell I couldn't tell who it was.

Goodbye bathroom with the ugly tile floor.

bathroom with ugly tile

You were terrible. No, really, take a closer look:

detail of tile on bathroom floor

You really were awful. All my friends agreed.

Goodbye ugly carpet in the dining area.

dining area with ugly carpet covering ugly tile

You were stained when I moved in, and I certainly wasn't going to do anything to remedy that. Your one redeeming quality was that you hid some of the ugly tile from the kitchen.

Speaking of which, goodbye ugly tile from the kitchen. You extended from the kitchen:

kitchen with ugly tile

all the way out under the ugly carpet:

dining area with ugly tile

Goodbye ceiling fan that never worked. I pushed your blades once, to see if you'd get going, and the horrid screech you let out told me your motor was burnt out.

Oh, and one more thing -- goodbye douchey neighbors: the drunk partying college kids getting into fistfights at 3am, the slow guy who asked me for a cigarette for two years straight though my answer was always that I didn't smoke and who routinely had conversations with people half a block away about trimming his beard.

Goodbye to the chachi-frat nextdoor neighbors who littered my driveway with two to three cases worth of beer cans, telling me it'd be ok because "bums will get them tonight before you wake up in the morning".

And most of all, goodbye to my least favorite neighbor of all of my Flora Street neighbors, the one we called Best Driveway in the World™. We added the ™ because we figured he was so proud of it he'd not want anyone to steal his name. Basically, this guy had every power tool one could imagine using for driveway upkeep, and mostly ones that burnt fuel (though a few were electric). BDitW™ has no qualms about using those tools as late as 10pm, and sometimes for hours straight. Here he is, on my last day in the apartment, using his leaf blower to blow his mowed grass out into the street:

Goodbye Terrible Neighbor


Once, instead of raking leaves, we saw him using a pressure washer, with all the leaves and crap in the street at the end of the driveway.

Lest you think BDitW™ had qualms about the extent of his dominion, here he is busting up the sidewalk and digging out under it:

progress. mayb there's a plumbing issue?


You might think that's not very power tool-tastic, but don't worry: BDitW™ got to use his fuck-off sized circular saw:

are you allowed to cut up the sidewalk?


He didn't always have sense, though: here's BDitW™ raking leaves during the hurricance windstorm:

like shoveling in a snowstorm. the wind is crazy!


Here he is, mowing the sidewalk:

mowing the sidewalk


Goodbye sir. I will not miss you.

2 Comment(s):

Blogger Greg Swallow: Hee. That's a concrete saw, not a fuck-off sized circular saw. But if he really knew what he was doing that concrete should be wet, with a garden hose, to prevent him from setting his fool self on fire.

7/25/2011 10:09 PM 

Blogger dj empirical: thanks for the info!

i assumed it was some kind of specialty thing.... and it doesn't surprise me that he's not using it in the safest manner.... :)

7/25/2011 10:13 PM 

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